...and laugh at how confused and terrified I was during this time period. But right now, it pretty much sucks.
By the way, let me just throw it out there that I didn't get that job in San Antonio. Yay. Not meant to be, other opportunities will show up, blah, blah, blah. I get tired of telling myself crap like that.
So now is about the time I need to start getting down to business about my future. If I plan on going to grad school next year, I need to start planning NOW. But the thing is, I still don't know what I want to do. My dream program is half a country away and each semester costs about what I make in a year right now. I don't really know if getting that degree is worth it. I don't have any real idea what I could do with that type of degree. Not to mention I'd be so far in the hole financially, I wouldn't know a way out if it threw me a rope and yelled, "Hey, I'm the way out!"
I seemed to have subconsciously decided I'm not moving out of Texas. I've tried, and I just can't picture myself doing it. I need to learn to except the terrified, family-loving, little homesick-crybaby I am. The thought of only seeing my family once, maybe twice a year drives me crazy. Due to Texas colleges generally sucking at what I want to study, this severely limits me.
So, do I:
1. Settle for some sub-par classics or history masters degree from a place like Tech or A&M (oh, the horror!)? If I'm ever going to do something with classics, I need to do it now. The longer I wait to get back into school, the less-likely I am to get accepted into any program. Same with archaeology. Only the problem is, all archaeology programs in Texas, outside of UT, seem to focus on boring New World archaeology, like the Mayans and Native Americans. I might as well decide to get a masters in Chinese, for all I know about the Mayans.
2. Attempt to find some program in museology or heritage management? I've found a heritage management program at Tech, but it really sucks compared to the dream program at Boston. And currently working in the museum world, I kinda hate it. I know there's pettiness and bureaucracy with every job, but everyone here is so stinkin' snooty! Do I really want to get sucked into that kind of world? But this seems the most realistic to me, the option most likely to get me a job supporting myself.
3. Do I try and do some sort of teacher's certification? Try and teach Latin in high school? Or, God forbid, middle school? Just stop right there, I'm going to pretend like this point doesn't even exist.
3 (revised). How about a job in one of the fall-back choices I've always set aside: travel agent or genealogist? These don't require any school beyond what I have, other than some community college-like courses and certification programs. But I did find a degree program that seemed pretty interesting: a MS in Hospitality Management concurrently with a MBA. This one seems appealing to me because it covers tourism and hospitality (one of my hobbies: I LOVE to travel and plan trips), and it also seems to provide a lot (a MS and MBA in addition to my BA). I think it would be fun to take Accounting again, but I feel like a lot of the courses are centered around restaurant and hotel management, and less tourism and travel agenty things. But it's at the University of Houston. Which is in Texas. And pretty affordable, compared to the rest of the schools I looked at. And it'll give me an MBA. But it's studying how to provide exceptional customer service, and I'm sick and tired of dealing with the general public already...
....
....
But anyways, how would I explain to the admissions panel that, "Oh by the way, I got accepted to the UT School of Business but I dropped out because it was really boring and I hated it?" Could I even get accepted into the business school there?
Why can't a decision come easy? I feel like I've been praying and agonizing and worrying about this for about 2 years now, and nothing has opened up. No opportunity has come my way, no decision has seemed comfortable or exciting or at least possible. God doesn't seem to have given me an answer yet. At least, not a big, flashing-sign type of answer.
I'm tired of not knowing what to do. I'm tired of feeling like I need to do anything to begin with.
This is really starting to get to me.
